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Welcome to familywisdom.com, a website dedicated to informing and inspiring couples and families. Each week you will find a new article, story or essay about parenting, marriage or life. Suggestions for articles and questions to Ellen Terich are welcome. You can contact her at e.terich1@verizon.net |
BOYS AND GIRLS, TRAINS AND DOLLS 2004-04-17 Sean and Grace came to visit on Easter. Sean brought his trains and Grace brought her doll. It was a perfect portrayal of sex role stereotyping. Sean was playing with vehicles, toys that move and make noise and fit the masculine role, while Grace favored a baby doll, a toy that reinforces the maternal role society wants her to adopt. Except that it isn't that simple. Sean's trains are anything but rugged. They are small wooden engines and cars that have faces as well as feelings. The videos and books that illustrate the adventures of Thomas the Tank Engine all contain stories with a moral. Thomas doesn't listen and thinks he is lost; Harvey, a crane engine who is laughed at because he looks different, becomes a hero; and Percy keeps working hard without complaining and is rewarded. When Sean plays with his trains, he acts out the stories and internalizes the lessons. Playing with trains has not made Sean more aggressive and boyish, it has actually helped him connect with feelings and learn some typical lessons of life: the importance of listening and working hard, cooperating vs. competing, and the foolishness of prejudice. Grace, on the other hand, may like to hold her dolly, but she also likes to play with Sean's trains, and she is as likely to drag the doll along the floor as she is to hug it. Grace seems to like the security of having her doll with her, but she also likes to climb on chairs and over obstacles, frequently landing on her nose, and once on her wrist, which soon sported a bright pink cast. At the age of ten months, some might identify her as a "tomboy." I hear a lot of parents and grandparents, as well as students in my psychology classes, argue about whether or not there are innate behavioral and psychological differences between boys and girls. Certainly we know that society demands more stoic and aggressive behaviors from boys and more nurturing behaviors from girls but are those behaviors genetic or are they learned? Some segments of society would like to believe that male-female differences are genetic, because that would reinforce the roles they want men and women to perform. If men are innately more aggressive, and women more sensitive and nurturing, then there might be a case for keeping women out of the military and other occupations. There might also be a good argument for keeping mothers out of the work force and at home with their children. Others promote the idea that male and female behaviors are learned because that helps advance policies of equality between men and women. It also influences how we raise our children. Those who champion the differences between men and women might reinforce traditionally feminine behaviors in little girls and masculine behaviors in boys. Those who want to see more equality, on the other hand, might work hard to treat their sons and daughters exactly the same. No one has a definitive answer about the relative contributions of genetics or environment in determining male and female behavior (it's probably a little of both), but maybe it doesn't really matter. What I see when I spend time with Sean and Grace isn't just that she likes her doll or that Sean prefers his trains. What is so much more important, regardless of their toy preferences, is what kind of human beings they are becoming. While Sean is playing with typical masculine toys, he is also learning to be sensitive and wise. While Grace carries her doll with her from room to room, she is also learning to explore and be courageous. I don't really care what they play with, or whether these preferences are innate or learned, I just want them to grow up to be good people, who are sensitive yet strong, compassionate and courageous, loving and wise. And from my perspective, they seem to be well on their way. |