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Welcome to familywisdom.com, a website dedicated to informing and inspiring couples and families. Each week you will find a new article, story or essay about parenting, marriage or life. Suggestions for articles and questions to Ellen Terich are welcome. You can contact her at e.terich1@verizon.net |
LESSON FROM GRACE: NEVER GIVE UP 2004-01-06 My seven month old granddaughter Grace loves to pull herself up to stand every chance she gets. She's still a little wobbly, but that doesn't stop her. She loves to be upright where she can see the world a little better and reach those television knobs, the VCR opening and little treasures inadvertently left on the coffee table. From time to time she forgets that she has to hold on, and in her enthusiasm to grab a magazine or one of her brother's toys she lets go and falls flat on her back. Every time she does this her face registers surprise: "How did I end up here?" Then she lays there for a few minutes before she rolls over, crawls to a new destination, and starts all over again. Not all children react the same way when they fall backwards at seven months old. Some scream, expecting to be rescued. Others move instantly, eager to keep exploring. But Grace pauses as if she's contemplating her situation, trying to learn something from her fall, attempting to make sense of it. Ultimately, though, she doesn't let the fall stop her. There is some instinctive desire in her to keep going and to keep trying until a skill is perfected. Grace will fall many more times in her attempt to be upright, but ultimately she will be able to let go and take those first steps to ambulatory freedom. And her pattern of pausing for a few minutes before she tries again may serve her well as she gets older. In psychology we say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same bad results. Thus, therapists will caution impulsive clients as well as those who seem not to learn from mistakes, to stop, evaluate and formulate a new plan. Therapists also encourage clients who are anxious or demoralized to have courage and keep going. It makes me wonder if all therapists are really doing is helping adults return to the wisdom they had as toddlers, when they knew when to stop and think and when to have courage and keep going. As so often happens with my grandchildren, Grace inspires me. I, too, have had my share of falls and failures and my tendency, at times, is to give up too easily. I get frustrated with my computer, for example, and resolve to go back to pen and paper. Usually, my much more patient and computer savvy husband rescues me and I ultimately return to the keyboard and mouse. How much better it would be if I could simply muster up the patience of a seven month old and, after a few minutes pause, just think the problem through, and try again. Maybe it would help if, like Grace, I could just lay down on the floor for a few minutes. I get impatient when it comes to my writing as well. I am working on several books right now and have concerns about whether I can find a publisher who will take a chance on a new writer. Sometimes I'm tempted to give up before I even try, assuming the task to become published is an impossible one. Recently, I sent an e-mail to a well known writer asking for suggestions on getting published. His reply was: "My experience with becoming published is pure persistence...Keep at it! Always! Never stop!" Grace knows persistence. Giving up is foreign to her. As we so frequently find, a small child's instinctive behavior offers us valuable lessons. When you fail, stop for a minute or two, a week or two, or even a month or two, and think. How did this happen? What can I do differently next time? And never, ever give up! |