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Welcome to familywisdom.com, a website dedicated to informing and inspiring couples and families. Each week you will find a new article, story or essay about parenting, marriage or life. Suggestions for articles and questions to Ellen Terich are welcome. You can contact her at e.terich1@verizon.net |
THINGS I WISH I KNEW... 2002-05-21 I am currently teaching a practicum for graduate students in counseling psychology. One of the students suggested I compile a list of the things I wish I had known when I was a beginning therapist. I thought it was such a good idea that I also decided to put together a list of some of the things I wish I had known about children and mothering when I was a young mother. Since my daughter became a mother a little over a year ago she has asked me numerous questions about this very topic. "Did we do this when we were babies?" she'll ask, trying to determine if Sean is developing normally. Or "did you feel this way when we were little?" So I've compiled a list of a few of those things that I think might be helpful and reassuring to young mothers - and fathers - about the joys and woes and realities of parenting. There is no job in the world as difficult, as important and ultimately as rewarding as parenting. A lot of the rewards don't occur to you at 3 a.m. when you are trying to get a wide-awake infant back to sleep. Be patient, the rewards will come. There's no such thing as a perfect parent. You will make many mistakes. But children are resilient and as long as you are loving and attentive, they will thrive and love you anyway. Take the pressure off yourself. Everyone parents a little differently. The "experts" have all kinds of ideas about what parents should and shouldn't do, and they are worth listening to, but ultimately you know what works best for you and your child. Trust your intuition. There are three truisms in parenting babies : when you are the most exhausted, your baby will not be sleepy; when you are in a hurry, your baby will need more of your time; when you have no patience, your baby will be fussy. Hang in there, it gets easier. All babies and children develop at their own pace. Some babies walk at 9 months, others at 15 months and one baby isn't better than another. The same is true for talking and toilet training. Relax! Most children can walk and talk and use the toilet by the time they go to kindergarten. You will feel many different feelings while caring for your child: joy, pride, love, but also anger, frustration and annoyance. These latter feelings don't make you a bad parent. They go with the territory. Remember to keep them in perspective and find an outlet for them other than your child. Go to a parent group; get online and chat with friends; talk to your spouse, best friend, mother or sister. Get some exercise and take time for yourself. Infancy and childhood go very fast when you're a parent. Although some days seem to go slow when you are caring for a sick baby or putting up with a defiant two year old, the months and years actually go very quickly. You will have many decades of mowing lawns, doing dishes, cooking gourmet meals and even advancing your career. You only have a handful of years with an infant and toddler. Take some time to enjoy those years. |