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Welcome to familywisdom.com, a website dedicated to informing and inspiring couples and families. Each week you will find a new article, story or essay about parenting, marriage or life. Suggestions for articles and questions to Ellen Terich are welcome. You can contact her at e.terich1@verizon.net |
A THIRD LESSON FROM SEAN 2002-09-17 I had the wonderful opportunity last week of spending seven days with my grandson Sean and his parents when they joined my husband and me for a week's vacation on the Olympic peninsula. Sean is now 19 months old and a delightful little boy. When he has two parents and two grandparents to entertain him and meet all of his needs, he is almost always happy and pleasant. As most toddlers do, Sean thinks the world exists for him alone and is full of curiosity and excitement as he discovers new things to explore and investigate. Only when we have to say "no" to him because he wants to do something that isn't good for him or go someplace that isn't safe or take something that isn't his does he ever make much of a fuss. While Sean still doesn't talk very much, he has wonderfully creative ways of communicating his wants and emotions to us. While we were at a restaurant for breakfast one day he happened to see a stuffed animal, probably mistakenly left behind by some other toddler, sitting on a shelf with some other "lost and found" items. He immediately began to point to the soft, furry puppy and smile with excitement as he thought this was something he could play with. We told him he couldn't have the animal and he started to get upset until we distracted him with something else. As we were leaving the restaurant, however, Sean took a detour over to the shelf, picked up the puppy and hugged it tightly as he followed his parents to the door. The scene of this little child innocently taking the animal and hugging it was so sweet that nearby restaurant patrons smiled at his behavior, even though they all knew disappointment was on the way. When Sean's parents saw what he had done they gently took the animal from him and told him that he could not take it because it was not his. He cried and complained briefly, but his mother picked him up and soothed him as she repeated the reason he could not take the puppy with him. Soon, tucked safely in his mothers arms, Sean was happy again. Sean is not old enough to understand the concept of ownership. It would not occur to him that the puppy belonged to another child who would miss it and whose parents would return to the restaurant to find it. To Sean, all toys are fair game; all toys exist for him to play with. It is up to his parents to teach him that he cannot have everything he wants and he certainly cannot have things that belong to someone else. This will inevitably be a painful lesson for Sean to learn and it is certain that one such episode will not be enough to teach him. Time and again, Sean will have to suffer the disappointment of not having everything he wants, but without that suffering Sean might grow up to inflict suffering on others. The accountants and CEO's that have recently been accused of wrongdoing obviously missed that lesson as have many people who greedily seek a larger share of the pie than is their due. And as much as they may protest that they worked hard for their multimillion dollar bonuses and the profits from insider trading stock sales, that doesn't make it right to run away with the money their loyal employees were counting on for retirement. Just because you want something and even believe you deserve it, doesn't make it right to take it, especially when taking it hurts others. Sean wanted that little puppy even though he has at least a dozen stuffed animals at home. He has to learn that just because he wants another, he doesn't have the right to have it, especially if taking it will hurt someone else. Most parents would agree with that. Is it any different when a corporate executive wants several million dollars to build a new mansion even though he already has several other homes, especially when his luxuries deprive others of necessities or make it impossible for them to ever retire? I don't think so. The saying "Whoever dies with the most toys wins" is on many bumper stickers I see. It reflects a mentality of greed that exists in a certain segment of our population. I prefer the quotation from Lao-Tzu: "To know when you have enough is to be rich beyond measure." Sean not only has to learn not to take things that don't belong to him, but to know when he has enough. If only every child learned those lessons in the arms of wise and loving parents, the world would be a kinder place with enough to go around. |