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Welcome to familywisdom.com, a website dedicated to informing and inspiring couples and families. Each week you will find a new article, story or essay about parenting, marriage or life. Suggestions for articles and questions to Ellen Terich are welcome. You can contact her at e.terich1@verizon.net |
KINDERGARTEN FOR SEAN: THE BEGINNING OF AN ADVENTURE IS ALSO THE END OF A SWEET CHAPTER IN SEAN'S LIFE 2006-09-08 Sean started kindergarten yesterday and I can hardly believe it. Neither can his mother or father who held up well yesterday as they both took him to his exciting first day, but broke down a little today as the excitement wore off and the realization of this milestone hit them. The five and a half years since Sean's birth have gone by so fast that it just doesn't seem he could possibly be ready for this new phase of his life. Yet he most certainly is, as he has been proudly telling us for several weeks now. With his Pirates of the Caribbean backpack and lunch pail, and his little name tag, a message to his sister Grace that he would miss her, and a kiss to his mom and dad, Sean walked into his new classroom yesterday, and crossed an important threshold. No longer a preschooler, protected all day by his mother, spending most of his hours at home, Sean has entered the world of school, with its learning adventures, its tests, its rules, and its frequently brutal playground politics. Sean has always been something of an innocent. When other kids his age were fighting with their siblings, Sean protected his sister Grace from other kids who mistreated her. When kids were mean to him, he occasionally fought back, but mostly was puzzled and hurt. The adjustment to school may be difficult for Sean, but he seems to be approaching it with more courage and determination than he has approached other things in the past. Perhaps it is because he has spent the summer learning about courage from watching Star Wars and Pirates of the Caribbean. Maybe it comes from the endless hours of play with his pirate figures who bravely face the dangers of storms and sea monsters. Or maybe he has just matured to the point of being ready for the challenge. Of course, he is not yet aware of the bullies who will show up on the playground, nor the friends who will abandon him as they choose other friends to play with, nor of teachers who may treat him unfairly, but I have no doubt that he will get through this just as most children do. I am excited for Sean, but I feel some of the pain of his mother, my daughter, as I watch her have to let go more than ever before. Of course, Sean has gone to preschool, but that was only a couple mornings a week and so not the same as having your child be in the care of someone else from 7:40 to 2:15 everyday. I know she has had it easy, in that she was fortunate enough to stay home with Sean and his sisters, rather than have to put him in daycare, but that doesn't mean it is any easier to let go now. This, of course, is a mother's bittersweet challenge: overcoming your strong instinct to protect because you know your child must grow up and prepare to leave you. It may sound overly dramatic (after all Sean still has thirteen years of school before he heads off to college) but that is really what kindergarten is – the end of babyhood and the beginning of a child's preparation to be self-sufficient. And no matter how excited Sean is, and how much his mother wants him to learn and play and make new friends, it is still the end of a sweet chapter in the story of her relationship with her first child. The job of caring for Sean, while still primarily hers, is no longer totally hers. Her job is more of a part time one, as teachers, aides, and school staff function as surrogate parents for five hours each day and as Sean learns to depend on her less and less. So while Sean's new adventure is cause for celebration, it is also likely to bring a few tears to a mother who has spent the past five and a half years totally dedicated to the job of being Sean's mother. As a famous psychologist once said "The job of a mother is to make mothering unnecessary." And as Sean walked confidently into his new classroom yesterday, he proved to all of us that, so far, his mother has more than succeeded in her job. Congratulations to them both! |