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Welcome to familywisdom.com, a website dedicated to informing and inspiring couples and families. Each week you will find a new article, story or essay about parenting, marriage or life. Suggestions for articles and questions to Ellen Terich are welcome. You can contact her at e.terich1@verizon.net |
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT TO FRAZZLED MOMS 2006-03-03 On more than a few occasions in the last few weeks, my phone conversations with my daughter have consisted of my offering as much support and empathy as I can for the situation she is in. As she is now the mother of three children, ages five and under, she is a little frazzled these days. One day last week Sean (5) and Grace (2) snuck into the bathroom and "washed" all the paper cups on the counter, leaving water and soap suds everywhere. Another day my daughter set up an art project for them to do outside and when she went into the house for one second to retrieve something, they dumped all the art supplies everywhere. Baby Madeline has been only taking short naps, making it impossible to get things done. Grace seemed to be doing well with toilet training, only to decide it is easier to return to diapers. I know my daughter feels overwhelmed, just as I did when I was in her situation. When I was raising three children, ages four and under, my mother appreciated the stresses of daily childcare, and offered to come and stay with the children one day a week while I got out without three children in tow. At first I wasn't sure what to do. I had very little money, so I couldn't shop, and I had lost contact with many of my old friends, so my mother suggested I simply sit in the park. That is exactly what I did for a few months. I took a book on each excursion to the park, but rarely read. I simply sat and let my mind wander, a luxury one doesn't have with small children who are continually demanding your attention and assistance. My mother may not have saved my life, but she saved my sanity, and now as she approaches her eightieth birthday, she wishes she is able to help her granddaughter the way she once helped her daughter. I, too, would love to offer my daughter the option my mother offered me, but I simply live too far away to make that kind of weekly commitment. What I can do is offer occasional visits to help out, and lots of verbal support. I can also offer encouragement in my writing, not only to my daughter but to all mothers who periodically want to pull their hair out or run away from home, and then question whether they are doing something wrong and wonder if other mothers have as much stress. Here's my answer: You are not doing anything wrong and every mother has that kind of stress, especially if they have more than one child. Children are curious, mischievous, adventurous beings who don't understand consequences as adults do. They live only in the moment, impulsively looking for adventures and forgetting this hour what you told them last hour. Only with time and experience will they finally learn the realities you wish came built into their DNA: that messes have to be cleaned up by somebody; that fighting with your siblings gets you nowhere; that your mother is always right; that talking back doesn't endear you to her; that broccoli won't kill you; that there's enough love to go around; and that dry pants really do give you an advantage in life. Hang in there. Before you know it, you will be in my position, enjoying your grandchildren from a safe distance where you don't have to worry about toilet training, spilled milk, sibling rivalry and a house that looks like a cyclone blew through it. When that day comes, believe me, you will have the wisdom to know that these mischievous grandchildren will eventually grow up to be good and decent people, just as your children did, thanks to you. |