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Welcome to familywisdom.com, a website dedicated to informing and inspiring couples and families. Each week you will find a new article, story or essay about parenting, marriage or life. Suggestions for articles and questions to Ellen Terich are welcome. You can contact her at e.terich1@verizon.net |
LESSON FROM SEAN: WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES 2006-01-18 Sean will be five years old in just a few days and I imagine his parents will be glad to see him leave behind the Feisty Fours. Four may have had its good moments, but it had a good measure of trying ones too. Someday Sean's mother may label this past twelve months "The year of Fear and Stubbornness." Sean began his year as a four year old going to the museum to see a dinosaur exhibit with his grandparents. At first he hesitated, and held tightly onto my hand, not sure if those gigantic models of dinosaurs might be something to be afraid of. We gently coaxed him through the exhibit, though, and he conquered one little fear. Sean's first attempt at playing soccer with other children didn't go so well, though. As the children ran in a group after the ball, Sean always ran the other way. He looked miserable as he stood on the field, waiting for the agony to be over. His poor mother looked on helplessly, and at one point the coach even picked him up and ran with him after the ball, shouting "Sean's open; kick it to Sean." Sean has displayed the most stubbornness this year in his refusal to eat. He has about half a dozen food items he will enthusiastically accept, but most other foods he rejects. He has also developed a number of ways to get out of eating. He has tried the usual ones like insisting he's not hungry or he has a tummy ache, but he has even gotten inventive by looking around the room, seeing something he doesn't like, such as his sister's princess dolls, and saying he can't eat because they "bother him." My daughter, being the well informed child of a psychotherapist, wondered if this behavior might mean Sean was developing some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder, until I pointed out to her that Sean never has a problem with the princesses when there are cookies to be eaten. And finally, there has been the usual defiance and sassiness that sometimes infects four year olds. Sean has told his mother she is a "bad mother" and "not the right kind of mother," at those moments when she insists he do something he doesn't want to do. He has also told her she is "annoying." I think he tried that phrase out after watching the movie "Madagascar." He went through a phase of telling people, including his parents, they were "wrong," until his mother told him that was rude and instructed him not to say it again. Then he simply told people "You are not correct." What amazes me, as I think about Sean turning five, is how much things have changed in one year. Sean's birthday party will be held at that same museum this year and he can't wait to show his friends the dinosaur exhibit. He seems to be eating a little better since we all stopped paying attention to his excuses. Now we tell him not to be ridiculous when he starts using the princess excuse and he either eats or asks to be excused. Whereas Sean would never have eaten Chinese food last year, now he eats steamed dumplings. (His parents told him they were "Chinese hot dogs.") I don't know how Sean will do on the soccer field this year, but I've seen him join in a competition with the other boys at preschool as they race their bikes around on the sidewalk. He seems to have lost his fear of crowds or competition, or whatever it was that inhibited him last year. All in all, Sean has made enormous strides this year. Although he still can be sassy and argumentative, he doesn't have the emotional "meltdowns" he used to have. And he has endured some tough times this year, including his mother's illness and hospitalization, and the birth of a baby sister, who demands a lot of his mother's time. He is maturing and learning to be patient as well as manage his emotions and he continues to be a generous and loving child (most of the time.) Happy Fifth Birthday my wonderful, exuberant, delightful little boy! Or as you so frequently remind me: "I'm not a little boy, Grammy, I'm a kid." |