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Welcome to familywisdom.com, a website dedicated to informing and inspiring couples and families. Each week you will find a new article, story or essay about parenting, marriage or life. Suggestions for articles and questions to Ellen Terich are welcome. You can contact her at e.terich1@verizon.net |
WATCHING SEAN NOT PLAY SOCCER 2005-03-23 My four year old grandson Sean is intelligent, stubborn and reluctant to try new things. His mother struggles to get him to try new foods and recently decided to stop asking him what he wants to eat and instead prepare one meal for the entire family. Today, for instance, she prepared some oatmeal and placed it in front of him, to which he replied quite loudly "I don't want oatmeal, I want waffles." Her rule when introducing new foods is "You have to take one bite." Sean was obstinate and when my daughter put sugar on the oatmeal, Sean protested "I don't want sugar on my oatmeal." When Sean's very patient and wise mother quietly told him that it was sugar that made cookies and candy taste so good, he insisted he wanted more sugar on his oatmeal. Ultimately he ate several bites, but the entire episode was quite an ordeal. A few weeks ago my husband and I went up to see our stubborn grandson not play soccer. No, it's not a typo. We watched Sean NOT play soccer. While all the other four and five year olds were running gleefully after the ball, Sean ran away from it and them. The coach, his mother and his grandfather and I tried to encourage him from the sidelines, but he made faces, walked around and pulled on his sweatshirt. When it was time for a water break, he ran over to get a drink and I once again encouraged him to run after the ball. "No thank you" he said, without any sense of shame, but instead with confidence that it was perfectly acceptable to simply walk around the soccer field while the other children chased after the ball. And he displayed great skill in staying out of their way. Sean's mother alternated between frustration and resignation as she watched her son march to his own drummer. At one point, the coach made a valiant attempt to engage Sean in the game by picking him up, running with him and shouting "Sean's open," as he got Sean's foot to make brief contact with the ball. We all laughed, but Sean just took it in stride. I found myself trying to attach words to the look on Sean's face. "I can't imagine why you grown-ups want me to do this when I could be home doing something much more exciting in my back yard. I'll play along if you insist, but I have no intention of actually chasing after that ball." Throughout the game, Sean was polite, civilized and resolute. We'll have to wait and see if Sean develops more of an interest in soccer as he gets a little older, but for now it is apparently not his thing and he hasn't yet learned to feel bad about it. I hope he never does. And whether Sean is fearful of playing or simply prefers not to, it hasn't affected his self-esteem nor his joy for life. When he is off the soccer field, Sean is curious, imaginative and enthusiastic. Granted, raising a child with a stubborn personality is not easy, but as I keep reminding my daughter, her most stubborn brother, now thirty years old, is quite talented and successful and also never liked sports. Stubborn children who insist on doing things their way may give parents fits, but they also have a strong sense of who they are and frequently grow up to be very successful and determined adults. The art of parenting comes in knowing when to challenge their stubbornness and when to let them be. And the daily battle of wills can be exhausting! I love Sean to pieces, but I'm glad I'm his grandmother and not his mother. |